(MP) -Time.com is calling all hands to cast their votes for the leaders, artists, entrepreneurs and thinkers who deserve a spot on this year's TIME 100. Conspicuously absent for the fifth straight year is Roger De La Soul of De La Soul Enterprises. 
De La Soul is the world’s leading entrepreneur in restaurants, television, social networks, real estate, and commodities. “I just don’t understand how I am not in the running,” explains De La Soul, “I find it atrocious when such a respected and honored news organization submits people like Thomas Beatie – the man-mom, Joaquin Phoenix, and the Twitter guys! I’m bringing people together, not isolating them, aggravating them, or confusing them. My services help people throughout the nation to cope with their everyday stress in their lives.”
What De La Soul is referring to are his numerous start-ups: pickonaforeigner.com, smokeymeatstomach.loaf, Water Bar, Fat Fux, Poop in a Pail, and ManicTV.
“With my foreigner social networking site,” claims De La Soul, “I try to educate and spread understanding in our multi-cultural world. My Fat-Fux chain of restaurants have saved more marriages than Oprah’s Dr. Phil ever could, and the sheer confidence that one garners from using my Poop in a Pail product is the ultimate tool to boost self-esteem.” Always one to love the limelight, De La Soul has even tried his hand in acting, appearing as himself in his commercial for his ground breaking Water Bar restaurant in Manhattan. “I figure, why not? If Brangolina can go from acting to humanitarian causes, then why can’t the biggest humanitarian on the planet, move into acting?”
Many of De La Soul’s practices have drawn considerable scrutiny over the years, but De La Soul believes that all great men end up under the microscope. “When I was contacted directly by the Dalai Lama, and he was thanking me that my Poop in the Pail product was helping with his non-violent cause for Tibet, I knew I was doing good work. It isn’t easy being the King of all Media, but apparently it’s a lot more difficult to get on Time’s fucking 100 most influential list…unless of course you change genders, sexually assault someone, or bilk billions from people.”
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