With the unemployment rate averaging 8% for the tri-state area, and the economy still not seeing it’s bottom yet - the job hunt is on. But, with so many urban professionals all vying for the same competitive jobs, people are beginning to rely on more than just their resume and experience. It’s no surprise that studies show that tall, good-looking people do better in life and in love, so the latest philosophy in the ugly community (and you know who you are) seems to be, “a nip – here, and a tuck – there, is going to give me an edge in this flooded market.”
Dr. Orville Hamish, who performs what he calls a “wide awake face-lift” using only local anesthesia, which slashes the recovery time as well as the cost by as much as $6,000, making it popular among heinous looking job seekers, stated, “Before the economy turned down, people would come in because they wanted to have more fun and enjoyment out of life. But now plastic surgery has become a necessity for some. Unfortunate looking people cannot only rely on their skills in this market. They want to look refreshed and youthful so they can compete for jobs.”
The American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) released a recent survey showing that, “American women were looking at cosmetic surgery to get a competitive edge in the workplace. About 13 percent of the 756 women surveyed, between the ages of 18 and 64, say they would consider having a cosmetic medical procedure to make them more confident and more competitive in the job market. About 3 percent said they already had a cosmetic procedure to increase their perceived value in the workplace, and 73 percent said they believed that appearance and youthful looks play a part in getting hired, a promotion, or getting new clients, particularly in these challenging economic times.”
“The surgery made sense for me,” explains Marion Capricella, aspiring fashion designer, single mother of two, and looks as if she fell from the ugly tree, hitting every branch with her face, “I look at least 10 to 15 years younger, my tits are tighter, and I have more confidence.”
Manhattan plastic surgeon Saul Rubenberg saw an opportunity in this growing trend and recently began promoting a “Job Fighter Package” for hideous women AND men.
“Men and women in their 40’s and 50’s are competing with peers 10 to 15 years younger and employers naturally tend to go to a person who looks fresher and younger, despite who is better qualified,” Rubenberg said, “We’ve probably done no less than 50 to 60 tune-ups since launching the package about five months ago, and a lot of patients view the surgery as an investment and are financing it with loans.”
Ted Evening, Realtor, had a recent “tune-up” and explained, “My handsome friends would tell me, ‘Ted, get a good haircut, good clothes, and smile. Dazzle them with your wit. With your education and work history, employers will look past your fucked-up face. I mean,” he continued, “I’ve been saving for a long time for one of those penis enlargement procedures; but being what the real estate market is, I know I’ll soon have to interview,” Ted recently spent $17,000 on his face-lift, and still hasn’t found a job, but that hasn’t discouraged him.
”Men don’t quit playing because they grow old, know what I mean? They grow old cause they quit playing. Oliver Wendell Holmes said that,” Evening explains, ”You get what I’m talking about? I’m a goddamn handsome man now! An Adonis! Put me in the same room with some kid. I’ll knock it out of the park, you know what I mean? I mean, who cares if I have a small penis, I’m gonna be working, baby!”
In addition to the perceived competitive advantage from a face-lift, some surgeons believe the recession is starting to cause more and more patients to get “work done” for an emotional lift in these dark times.
“If you’re really ugly AND unemployed, that’s a double whammy,” opines Dr. Jesse Jamison, certified psychiatrist, “that’s difficult for anyone to even stand the sight of themselves, alone standing in front of a mirror. I think if it boosts self-esteem then it’s great. I’ve seen a little “work” save relationships, spice up sex lives, and hopefully for these really disfigured few, give them some financial security and sense of entitlement that only the beautiful ever really possess.”
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