A Little TOO Much Earth Day Love?

(MP) - Today is Earth Day: a day to set aside and take stock in what we are doing to our planet EVERY OTHER day of the year. It is a day that all environmentalists hope that everyone in the world will become enamored with what is all around them, and begin to make a concentrated effort to love and to care for our mother Earth. Every year, one eco-friendly group, Manic Tree Huggers, goes into the woods of Northern California, and stages a “hug-in”, where they pick the tree of their choice, wrap their arms around it, and engage in one giant hug-of-war. However, this particular protest caught one eco-striver off guard.

“We all entered the area,” explains Barry Dud, founder of Compost Orgy, one time a dismissed sexually deviant sub-culture of the environmentalist movement, but has now seen spikes in memberships and functions in the last 8 years, “and we spread out under this beautiful canopy of branches and leaves. I was looking for what seemed like forever for my tree, and then one finally entranced me. When I went to touch it, this crazy naked man ran out of the bushes and pointed a Winchester rifle right in my face!”

In a report later filed by California State Troopers, Dud reported that he had recognized the naked man as Clarence Ogle, a “hugger” from a North Dakota faction that had mysteriously disappeared 8 years ago.

“I knew it was him,” explained Dud, “and I said, ‘Clarence? Is that you?’ and he just kept yelling at us all, saying to stay away from his woman, that she was his, she loved him, and that he didn’t know who the hell Clarence Ogle was – that his name was Erogenous Sticks. He kept just saying that – Erogenous Sticks, Erogenous Sticks, My name’s Erogenous Sticks!”

Dud also testified that when the group had been driven from the area, an eye witness, Mindy Greensteen from New York, went back to discover Sticks fornicating the bark of the beguiling arbor.

“It was actually quite beautiful. I never got any sense that what he was doing was anything dirty,” explains Mindy Greensteen, “he was being so sweet with her. He was running his fingers through her leaves, telling her that he loved her, I genuinely got the impression that he had really fallen in love with this…tree.”

“He had been bewitched by the siren sounds of the wind in her leaves,” muses Dud, “so with our protest pretty much a bust, and half of our group deciding to call it a day, and the erotic nature of the whole experience; the remaining six of us that were single and committed to the cause decided to find the nearest compost pile and start pleasuring one another no matter what we looked like to each other – fat, thin, ugly, cute. I mean, love and pleasure are one in the same on Earth Day. I think that’s what we took away from Clare- I mean, Erogenous - It seems that love can come in all shapes, sizes, species, and…perennial woody plants!”