Real Teabaggers Protest Abuse of the Term

(MP) - Americans took it to the streets Wednesday (April 15th - tax day deadline for any of you U.S. citizens living in a basement with no job, TV, windows, or access to the outside world). Demonstrators attended more than 750 Tax Day “tea parties” in cities across the country. The events were meant to protest government spending, particularly the Obama administration’s $787 billion stimulus package and its $3.5 trillion budget. As part of the demonstration, people wore tea bags hanging from umbrellas or eyeglasses, as well as tossing them on the White House lawn. The significance alludes to the historical “Boston Tea Party” and as a result, the appellation assigned to these people has become the running joke - “teabaggers”.

However, one group doesn’t find the joke very funny. Blane Turner, president of the International TeaBaggers Alliance, finds the innuendo that is eliciting snickers and guffaws from bloggers and the main-stream media is insulting and disrespectful.

“When you have a well respected journalist like Anderson Cooper, making snide, sarcastic remarks that it’s 'hard to talk when you’re teabagging,' who out there will ever see past this ignorance and believe that - Yes! It is indeed hard to talk when you are teabagging! It can be dangerous too.”

The innuendo referred to here is what Turner states is the “legitimate definition” of teabbagging in which a man squats on top of a woman’s face and lowers his genitals into her mouth during sex.

“That’s all I ever knew it to mean,” states Teddy Rooney, former Atlantic City showman, recovering alcoholic, and long time teabagger, “it was a staple with the whores that I knew in Jersey...like kissing or shaking hands. I think this protest is important. Hundreds of naked chicks lying around on their backs? One of them is bound to get teabagged."

The ITBA gathered together on Thursday in lower Manhattan. The demonstration brought over a thousand protesters who stripped completely naked and proceeded to lay down on their backs in unison as a gesture to the position most teabaggers find themselves in. Police arrived very late on the scene in confusion.

"Yea, well we got a call that a teabaggin' protests where happenin'’,” explains NYPD Officer Buffumo, “but they’d been happenin’ all day Wednesday. Then we got here, and saw that this protest was teabaggin’ of a whole other flavor if you know what I mean?”

The protest was soon broken up, and everyone dispersed without any violence. No arrests were made for any public indecency, and the ITBA felt that it was all a great success.

“I think we made our point,” muses Turner, “you can’t just throw around your tea bags and call it teabagging. The only true definition is when those bags land in someone’s mouth, and not on the White House lawn.”